TV: Brits and their Quirky Auction Shows

The first thing you will notice upon arrival in Belgium if you are from the US and have only basic cable is that the TV is almost unwatchable. The novelty of The A-Team and Murder She Wrote in French wears off pretty fast, so I hope you brought some novels with you.

However, the TV here allows you to make sweeping generalizations about the culture of more than one nationality - which can be quite fun in itself.

For example, the Dutch and French both have an abundance of political oriented talk shows. I mean, they seem to take Democracy really seriously here, unlike us in the good old USA where we can't be bothered to vote because we are watching Japanese office workers fall off logs into muddy water. I don't speak the languages (yet) so it's possible I have it all wrong, but they seem to talk about local and national issues in order to try to solve common problems and make their society better. It's all very boring.

At night the Dutch and French get their freak on as the phone chat commercials start up. These are commercials where they show you an attractive young lady (or man) with some information about them. It seems to indicate their age, height and weight and a short bio, so you can get to know them. You can call a number (for a mere 1.50 Euro per minute) to chat with them a bit. However, at the bottom of the screen it says the profiles are fictional. It's pretty clear there, so it's difficult for me to understand who calls to talk to these people and why they bother with a profile at all? Or really, why make the profiles so mundane? Why not nympho-maniacal, multi-jointed ex cirque du Soleil acrobats with Turrets syndrome? Why not the green skinned Orion slave girls from Star Trek? I am guessing some suspension of disbelief is essential for this service, so that might explain it all.

The British on the other hand, have really capitalized on a niche market: Property and Antique Auctions. Judging by television ( always an accurate view of a society ), the British spend all their time trying to buy things cheap at Auctions to make a quick pound. Maybe the currency is now so strong they use these funds to live like royalty in other countries. At any rate, day-time television is just packed with these shows. By far the best is Bargain Hunt, hosted by the most quirky of hosts: Tim Wonnacott. This show is a virus that infiltrates the mind of anyone who grew up in a capitalist country. There are two teams, each given 300 pounds to buy items at a fair of some kind. Then they auction them off, and if they make a profit they get to keep it. They almost never make a profit. However, you can watch an episode on YouTube here where they actually do. Stupendous!

HINTS:

• Bring novels to read or find Waterstone's. This is an English speaking book store chain. There are two locations in Brussels.
• Like Football (soccer) or fake it if you don't.
• Buy a Slingbox for your home before you leave.

"Justine quitte les courts"

I imagine most of Belgium to be a bit disappointed today. The headline of Metro in the coffee shop today read: "Justine quitte les courts". For those of you who don't follow Tennis, Justine Henin has been one of the most dominant players on the women's tour for quite some time and she announced her retirement yesterday at the age of 25.

At only 5'5 she crushed opponents with her amazing foot speed, impressive power, and a one-handed backhand that John McEnroe once called ' the best single-handed backhand in the women's or men's game'.



Her work ethic was legendary, and it showed on the court. She won 7 Grand Slam single titles (41 titles in all), and the French Open 4 times.

I've read in a few places (not reliable sources) that Belgians have mixed views on Justine, her play and her retirement. This is perhaps true of most sport figures, but I will inquire around town and add comments here as time allows.

I've linked a few videos and info for those of you who haven't seen her play below.

HINTS:

• Unfortunately I missed her doing a PR thing in the Grand Place here in Brussels a few weeks ago (like 20 min walk from where I am staying). You can see that bit here.
• You can see her complete bio and playing history on Wikipedia here.
• Tennis Channel did a "No Strings" episode on her as well. You can see that here.
  

Red Bull + Engineering = Flimsy Wooden Death Traps

This weekend past was yet another holiday here in Belgium. I wish I could tell you which one. Looking online, it may be 'Whit Monday', a religious holiday. However, everywhere there were signs here in Brussels for "Iris Fest" and people told me it was to celebrate a flower. At the risk of sounding insensitive, I don't care that much - I just like a good holiday.

This was a particularly nice one because the authorities blocked off the city center to all car traffic and it became a pedestrian and bicycle zone.

We ambled down to Brussels Park and noticed an unusually large group of people on the north edge. It turns out that Red Bull was sponsoring a massive soap box derby competition, complete with some local celebrities. At least I suppose they were, they had cameras following them and microphones and were wearing what must have been 'authentic' Mtv T-Shirts. Anyway, despite these loud, and (to me) unknown famous people, I found the designs for the cars and the overall atmosphere to be great fun. I've included a few of the photos of the cars from the day for your amusement.

This sort of competition brings out the best in people. You find the most creative designs, with fearless drivers who seem to care not all that they have built and will race in the most colorful deathtraps on four wheels.

We saw cars in the shape of giant spiders, beach-side cabanas, large bananas, humping rabbits, event a large pile of bull crap, complete with the driver dressed as a bull.

The race is fun because people (and especially crowds) love to revel in the misfortune of others. Most of the cars are so poorly built they don't finish the race - they tumble at high speeds on the corners; the wheels fly off, or they just roll and collapse on the poor driver. The crowd loves this.

I didn't have the patience to watch the entire race, the so-called-local celebs introducing each car drug it out far beyond patience. The best I saw (by far) was the car that represented the Brussels mascot - Mennekin Pis, the pissing boy. The car had a statue of the little boy mounted on a pole on top of the car, and as it raced down the course, it rotated and peed on everyone in the crowed. Hilarious.

So I don't know how special the event was, Red Bull may sponsor one in every town across the entire planet for all I know, but it was still good fun.

Beer of the Day: Westmalle Dubbel

Today I sampled Westmalle Dubbel, another trappist creation. In my opinion this isn't all that special. I think my palate is finally starting to adjust to the high standards of the Belgian beer scene, and as such beers that outside of Belgium would be considered amazing are now for me merely mediocre. I won't say this is undrinkable, only that from the cornucopia of incredible belgian beers, this is the slightly overripe grape that tumbles out.


HINTS:

• 7% abv is respectable without leaving you sleeping on a sidewalk
• pours a murky brown and the head settles down to a thin line rapidly
• the flavor for me is mild, almost bland
• I rate this a low 3.0 of 7 on my "Beers of God" scale.

Brugge: Rustic Medieval Village or Kitchy Carnival Town?

Last weekend was a holiday here in Brussels (they celebrate Labor day May 01). We decided to take the train over to Brugge. Everyone raves about the city, so we figured we'd better go, although it has always been a good conversation piece when nothing else pops up. "So, you haven't been to Brugge? Oh, you really must go!.."

So we walked to Brussels Central station Saturday morning and realized that our decision to travel to Brugge on a holiday weekend was perhaps not so well conceived. The station was packed full of people. We bought two weekend tickets to the "Brugge area" for 26 Euros. I think if you were planning a full weekend of travel this would be a great deal. It apparently allows you to train to Brugge (or Ghent) or any other village in the area and back to Brussels until the final train Sunday night. Tickets in hand, we bought supplies for our trip. I bought a copy of The Times (of London) for a shocking 4.50 Euros. Ouch. Still, I was not traveling without reading material, so we forked it over and I grumbled and walked to the platform.

The train to Brugge was the fullest I have seen. In fact, we could not get to the seats, and had to stand (or sit on the floor) in the boarding area between cars. The center aisle in each adjacent car was full of standing people as well. An hour later we arrive in Brugge, already very weary of crowds.

So, first let me accentuate the positives. The architecture in Brugge is worth seeing - absolutely. The buildings are some of the oldest in Belgium, dating to the middle ages, having avoided the attention of two world wars. It is a coastal canal city and reminded me a bit of Amsterdam. We took a canal tour that was moderately interesting and they pointed out in three languages a few of the more famous sites. There are still some shops that I would call 'authentic' or 'period-esque', selling tapestries, lace and other items for which the city is historically famous.

Also, it surprised me that for a city so packed with tourists, they kept it amazingly clean. I didn't see anyone cleaning, so I can only imagine the tourists for some reason showed more respect for the place than they do for where they live here in Brussels.

But I must comment on how the current world has infiltrated this historic place. On the outskirts of the village, as you walk toward the city center from the train station, you pass this horrible row of carnival games and rides. It is like something from a Texas county fair, but with more neon and thankfully no corn dogs. The main streets to the city center are occupied by large commercial clothing and jewelry retailers...as if you had transplanted any modern mall directly into the ancient buildings. I found this irritating, and contrary to the intent of my visit and expectations for the place.

I suppose the remnants of medieval walls and towers are no match for the invading forces of modern global commercialism. To be fair, the town was always based on commerce, even in medieval times, so to embrace the historical period completely would in some ways be contrary to the history of the place. I could have done without the carnival games and yes, even the free-standing water toboggan river ride.

HINTS:

• you can get a weekend train ticket to the entire Brugge 'area' for about 13 euros. You might considering putting Ghent on the itinerary as well.
• don't go to Brugge on a holiday weekend. In fact, if stores are open (not certain) go during the week.
• if you decide to drive to Brugge, park your car outside the town. Driving in the town itself is pure folly. I laughed at and pondered the idiocy of people who were trying to drive through the town, inching forward slowing with their cars surrounded by pedestrians.
  
• don't go expecting to pay a fair price for a beer. The pricing was as high as any place I have seen in Brussels.
• if you like photography, this is the place to bring out the good camera.